A relationship series at Lifepoint Church Virginia @lifepointva
James 4:1-3 ESV
[1] What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? [2] You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. [3] You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
“What do they bring to the table?”
This is a question we ask ourselves and what we ask of others when we’re looking at relationships (working, personal, romantic, etc…). However, this question is the wrong question to ask. It’s focused on self and what I get out of the relationship. The right question is “What do I bring to the table?”. The harsh reality for a lot of people, including myself, is “You can’t control other people”. The thing that you can control is your heart and yourself. Reread James 4:1.
A lot of the times, we become something we don’t want to be by trying to control other people. We build fences around us to keep people out and away. So, what should I bring to the table?
1. Bring Trustworthiness
If I want trust, I have to be trustworthy. Trustworthiness means I can hold trust or have the ability to hold and guard someone’s trust of me. When someone extends trust to me I can steward it well. See Proverbs 10:9. Have integrity. Be the first one to own my mistakes to stop the gap of miscommunication. Doing this proves trustworthiness that I am able to see my own faults. Trustworthiness isn’t “I always get it right”. Trustworthiness isn’t that I have a 100% record. Trustworthiness is when I mess up, I own it immediately. See Proverbs 11:3. Duplicity will destroy you and you will lack trustworthiness.
2. Bring Life Giving Words
See Psalms 19:14 You can determine the words you bring into the relationship. You are not the victim of the what comes out of your mouth. Your mouth doesn’t just take off, they come from your mind and engages. Just to make it simple. You get to control the words coming out of your mouth and they should be graceful and truthful. You can communicate truth without tearing someone down. Jesus spoke hard things to people but he did it with life giving, uplifting words. The Bible says, “out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks”. When your heart gets bumped, what words spill out?
You’re not a victim of your thoughts. You can have some horrible thoughts in your mouth, but you have total control over if you say them or not. See Proverbs 18:21. You can live in a scarcity mentality because of something someone said you years ago. What is my heart and mind meditating on? Believe in the best. Choose life, not lies. The enemy is the father of lies. I’m the Bible the only time the enemy has the ability to create anything is him creating lies.
3. Bring Selflessness
The world is focused on self.
Galatians 2:20 ESV
[20] I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Paul is saying in Galatians that now that I’ve been crucified in Christ, no longer will I live in selfishness and pride. I will live by faith, grace, and selflessness. Maybe if I act this way, and do what Paul said in Philippians 2:3-4.
[3] Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. [4] Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.
4. Bring Love
Bring the love the Jesus commands of us to each other. See John 13:34. Agape love. Loving isn’t giving a person what they need nor what they deserve. Agape love is the love that Jesus gave us. Unconditional love. “I don’t love you because you love me. I love you.”
John 13:34 ESV
[34] A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.
Live the kind of life with all relationships in your life, throughout your life. See 1 Corinthians 16:14 .
[14] Let all that you do be done in love.
This isn’t easy and we can’t do it alone. Relationships won’t change because we’ll do it out of our own will power. We need to lean on Christ to have this level of strength to bring these things to the table. Once we do that, the relationships in our lives will change.